Legacy of Cars, Be True To Yourself, Family Courts Bias Against Fathers Perception, & More with David Turner

Swell AI Transcript: David Turner podcast.m4a
00:00 SPEAKER_00 No. Hey everybody, thank you so much for joining this episode of Bear Crawl with dads. As you know, if you're new listeners out there, this is a show to really just encourage dads, no matter where you are, if you're young and a new dad or if you're an empty nester. But we just hope this message, this podcast could be a blessing to anybody that's listening. You know, as you know, I'm a new dad. I'm an older dad. So my boy is two years old. So I'm also to kind of tricking the show a little bit, making some notes, you know, learning from my guests, where not to make mistakes and how not to fall into the, you know, pitfalls or anything like that. But I'm proud and honored to have as my guest tonight, I believe, he hails from the great city of Houston, where I'm caught where I am. But David, David Turner, thanks for being on the show. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Thank you for having me out. Absolutely, man. Well, listen, thank you for taking the time. I know it's a busy, I'm sure in your household. So I really, really appreciate you having a chat with me and hopefully something that you say may be a blessing to a dad out there that needs to hear your story. So thank you. So David, anything we can do to help from dads, you know? Absolutely. Yeah, totally, man. Well, hey, tell the audience, David, just who are you? Where are you from? What do you do?

01:30 SPEAKER_02 Okay, so I'm born and raised in Houston. I grew up on the southwest side of Houston in Alief. And I right now I run a trucking business. I'm owner operator, I lease onto different carriers, just depending on, you know, the time of the year. I've been doing that for about two years now. And I have three children. I have a two year old, Mrs. Natalie is my youngest daughter. And I have a middle child was my son. He'll be nine this year, this June. Okay. And my oldest

02:10 SPEAKER_01 16 year old is my oldest daughter. And she will she's basically she's living me her whole life. I actually have custody of her. Okay. So a two year old. Yeah. A seven year old. Eight year old. Yeah. And a 16 year old. Yes, sir. I got all the groups.

02:33 SPEAKER_00 Oh my gosh. Okay, so we're gonna hit every elementary high school, middle school. I don't know, but I feel like I want to go to the middle school because I feel like the middle school is like the middle seat on the plane. You know, nobody wants it. Right. It's right. We're all walking with it from our middle school years. I think I even saw that you have a head of hair. That I had one that you have a head of hair with all with all those kids you still have. Yeah, yeah. I still have a little bit. There's a there's a sunroof up there. Well, I lost mine a long time ago before I had my boy. That's okay. So go back real quick. So

03:14 SPEAKER_02 you actually own your own trucking company. Yeah, yeah. I bought my truck for myself in 2020. And then I actually put it on the road in 21. So this would be my second year in business with that. Wow. So and I started driving trucks in 19. And I just you know, just to get the experience, I went the company route, which I you know, I believe everybody should. But

03:39 SPEAKER_00 while I was driving for the company, I was doing stuff to my truck and just kind of doing my research and finally just took the plunge in 2021 and went out there from myself. And it's been the best thing I've ever done, actually. So good for you. Good for you, man. That's awesome. Congratulations. What's the name of your company? Turner Transportation Solutions. Okay. Okay. And we want to make sure that we reference that in the show notes, you know, for that to live in Houston. And that's amazing, man. And so like COVID didn't that just what was that like? Because you know,

04:18 SPEAKER_02 yeah, COVID kind of helped me initially, because I wasn't fully into the business side of it. So all the trucks that were being sold at the time were really cheap. So I kind of got a I kind of got a you know, good luck thing right in the beginning, because I bought my truck. I bought it cash right, you know, right away. So I didn't finance it or anything. But it was really cheap. And it was even cheaper because I actually imported it from Canada. Oh, wow. Canada is a lot cheaper than it is buying it in the States. But you have to know what you're looking for, because, you know, you don't get to see it before you buy it. You know, so. Oh, true. So do you freelance? Like, people just hire you out as a freelance driver? I don't well, right now. So I'm what they would call a least on owner operator. So I find a carrier, and I will sign a contract with them to only haul their freight or freight for their customers that they obtain. I got you. So then I just and they take a certain percentage from the settlement, and then I get the bigger part of it. You know, that can be anywhere from 70 to 95%. You know what I mean? Oh, that's fascinating. Do you drive all over? Obviously, you're based here in Houston, all over Texas all over the country. Now I am in Texas, for the most part in this past week, these past two weeks, I've been going back and forth from the from New Orleans back to been back and forth to Houston. But I used to do all over I used to do all 48 states. I did that

05:56 SPEAKER_00 my first year when I did flatbed. Now I do containers. And that's more local, you know, most of my runs are like to Dallas, San Antonio, Waco, and in Louisiana sometimes. So that's what I'm in now. That's awesome, David. Good for you, man. I feel like we can just end it on this for a while. Because I was like, what's the craziest stuff you've seen? Or what city do you hate going to the most? That? Yeah, no, we don't. That could be on the B roll. Yeah. Well, okay. So I've got since we're kind of on is there is there one memory or something that you've got to share,

06:31 SPEAKER_02 like the craziest thing you've seen or anything that's G rated that? Yeah, yeah. Some. I mean, it's I don't know, the trucking world is crazy in itself. Sometimes I mean, it's like you see two sides. When you're driving in traffic in your car, you know, it's kind of normal, right? But when you're in the truck, you start to really you start to really get irritated by people who are in cars. And then when you're in your car, you know, you it's like you're kind of mindful, but you kind of go back into the car for, you know, phase of it. So it's kind of crazy transitioning back and forth between that because it's it's totally different. But

07:15 SPEAKER_00 yeah, I mean, but I love I used to love being on the road. That was my mind. It was fun. It was like camping. That's how I looked at it. You know, just camping in my truck. Gosh, I get it, man. I get it. Because there really is just for me to just a love of driving, seeing new places and yeah, that's awesome. And well, I just got back. We took our work at a school. We took our fifth graders way out to West Texas. I'm sorry, the hill country, just about an hour west of Hurville. And so I was sitting up at the front with the bus driver, you know, and then seeing through her lens. So it's funny you mentioned that because a car would like shoot right in front of her. And also there was kids on the bus. So she was really choosing her words correctly. But she would just you could tell really get irritated with the cars. And I'm like, man, I get it. I get it. I think I've been by that person, you know, yeah, just cutting in front.

08:11 SPEAKER_02 It's hard. It's hard, I think, for people in cars to understand that I weigh 80,000 pounds. If you jump in front of me and you hit your brakes, I cannot stop. It takes me at least a football field at highway speed to stop. So I mean, I understand because, you know, when you're in your car, you think everybody can just hit the brakes and some people think, oh, you have all those

08:36 SPEAKER_00 wheels. That means you have all those brakes, but that doesn't equate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna find out the hard way. So maybe we're gonna end our podcast talk right now, because this is gonna be a public service announcement. Okay, our drivers out there just to just be respectful of the truck drivers. Be mindful, they want to stop, they just can't. I hear you. I hear you. Okay, well, that's gonna be a lesson. That's a public service announcement. So thank you, David, for that. But obviously with the show, man, just we want to just the audience just to know your story. And so kind of to kick it off, as we're being a little bit dad-centric here, if you don't mind, obviously, we talked about kind of what you're doing now. And I'm curious if we kind of open the door a little bit on David growing up, what was that like, say, the relationship with your father? What was that like here in Houston with him? Because I'm curious, maybe from those experiences too, what was the drive that got you kind of what you're doing now? But what was it

09:46 SPEAKER_02 like for David growing up and the relationship with your father? Well, you know, my dad was very I want to say kind of militant at times, you know, he was very like a stern guy. And a lot of my friends were kind of intimidated by him and stuff, you know, all my friends in the neighborhood, but he was also, he had his moments where he was like really goofy, you know, he was the jokester, you know, if he told a funny joke and you laughed at it, he would keep going because he liked to make people laugh and he would keep going until the point where the jokes weren't funny anymore. But we all laughed just because he kept trying to make jokes. Yes, he played both of those roles very well. My parents split up when I was young and reconciled for a little while and split back up, but he was always, you know, very, he was very involved. I mean, it wasn't just like a drop off a check to your mom and then the rest is up to her type of dad. Like, you know, he'd come get us regularly, you know, we'd stay over there for, you know, the month or so during the summer. And I mean, he was, he coached basketball for us as kids, you know, and he was there, you know what I mean? So he was, he was very, very influential, I feel like. When I was younger, me and my dad had a little bit more of a rocky relationship than I think he had maybe with my older sister, my younger brother. And I think most of that just came from me being old enough and around to see the, I guess I would say what him and my mom went through, being able to be aware of it. My brother wasn't very aware of it, but I was. So, and of course, you know, the young boy, the first son, I'm very protective of my mom. So I was, you know, I kind of took that personal myself for a long time, you know, as a young child. But

11:57 SPEAKER_00 when I got older, it was more, you know, getting past that and then really starting to value the time with him, you know, the advice, you know, just being able to call him about a situation, you know, whether that was like relationships, stuff, work stuff, you know, personal stuff, spiritual things. Like it just, I started to kind of value that a lot more as I got older once the rocky stage was done, you know. So you, thank you for that, David. So you reference, you have a brother and a sister? Yes, sir. Okay. And you were the oldest? I am the oldest son. My sister is actually older than me. I got you. Okay. Okay. And is your dad still with us? No, my dad actually passed in 2020. Right. Actually, when I bought my truck after that same month. Oh, wow. So you, from what I'm hearing is that you, even though your parents separated, but he was present, he was involved. Yes, sir. He kind of almost became, kind of a confidant, like you said, to talk about all sorts of things that he really listened to you and poured into you, kind of in those avenues. Is that fair? Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly right. Okay. He was definitely that person. What was, cause I'm wondering too, like generations, right, with your father, I don't know how old you are, but I think, like with my father, and I've mentioned this on several shows, his way of love, very active, but I think obviously working, that by working and providing for the family, that's my way of showing love. And definitely attended all my basketball games for sure. Very active and I remember wrestling and very, very, yes. But I think, but also too wanting to fix, just fix things, you know, just like, okay, here's the problem. Okay, let's fix it. Yeah. So what, but also too, my dad would carve out times, I have two older sisters. And so like one Friday night, it would be me and my father would go on a quote, a date and we would just, where are you going to go? Whatever you want to do. And then when he took one of my sisters out, you know, it would be like, he would open up the door for her because he wanted to show her what it was like to be treated with respect by a man, to say, I'm setting the bar. So you should accept anything less when you do start dating. Right. But what was it maybe with your father, what connected you? Because again, I'm curious with

14:42 SPEAKER_02 my son, right? But what bonded you, what connected you with your father? What did y'all do things together? Our, with me, I would say this is kind of mutual for me and my brother, how we connected with my dad was through our love for cars and as we got older, like motorcycles and stuff. So at like family events, you could find like me, my dad, my brother in the garage and everybody would be inside and we'd be looking at the cars, talking about, you know, future plans or racing. I mean, you know, I don't know if you, you know, remember or everyone went out there, but you know, West timer used to be like the real popular spot, you know, back in the late 90s, maybe early 2000s and for street racing and stuff. My dad used to take us out there in his car. And then he had a 91 Camaro and it was RS model and he fixed it up and he took us out there and we'd go sit in the parking lot, look at cars and he'd race a little bit. And then when we got cars, we'd all three go out there together, you know, so that was, that was where we all bonded was with our love for cars and stuff. Wow. That is awesome, man. What a neat connection. So what, what got your dad into it? I think it's just in the family. I mean, I have uncles that are like that, you know, even my nephew, he loves cars. My nephew now he's 21 now, I believe, and he's insane about cars. It's kind of just a family thing. And I mean, we just, I remember my dad bringing home that Camaro and he bought it, bought it brand new, you know what I mean? And of course my mom wasn't necessarily a fan because it wasn't a shared decision. He's kind of popped up with it. It's an awkward conversation. Yeah. I remember seeing him pulling the garage with it and the being a little red light in the, in the garage. So it just kind of fell onto the red car, just perfect. So I mean, it's just always been there, you know, I think with his family and growing up, they liked cars. So it just kind of got passed down to us and both me and my brother, you know, went to school

16:59 SPEAKER_00 for automotive at one point and worked in that industry. And it just, it's kind of, I think it's just in the blood, you know? Yeah, it's in your DNA, man. That's, I don't have any of that. I really am envious of that with your family, man. That is our hobby. I love that, man. Cause yeah, just, and it's, and I don't know about you and maybe with your, even with your son specifically or with your guy friends, but I feel like too, it's more, cause I'm curious kind of on a side note, but like when you're connecting with your guys, I feel like it's through the act of doing something is when we actually kind of start to open up a little bit versus, versus like David, tell me,

17:42 SPEAKER_02 man, what's going on? You know, you're like, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, the activities kind of bring that, that wall down a little bit. It makes everybody kind of relax and then they just

17:51 SPEAKER_00 start kind of naturally being themselves and kind of letting out stuff that otherwise maybe they wouldn't. Yeah. Through the act of working on the car, then you just start talking and you're not thinking about it because you're fixing something or repairing something, right? And the conversation just goes and goes, cause I bet you, you and your, I'm assuming maybe you and your father and brother

18:10 SPEAKER_02 and relatives, maybe some really great conversations maybe came out of doing that. We've had a lot of good, you know, talks and just good times, just either working on the motorcycles or working on the cars. And it, it almost became the car thing almost became a competition, you know, like my dad would go buy a new car. Like the Trans Am that I have now was his, it's a WS6 Trans Am, the last model. And he, I remember when he went and bought it, well, actually my brother bought his, I bought my Mustang. Then my brother went and bought a 300 ZX and then my dad went and bought a Trans Am. It was always like a competition. So when somebody bought something new, then the other two would go buy a new one. Or when somebody fixed up their car a certain amount, then the other two would try to catch up. And when somebody bought a motorcycle, the other two bought motorcycles, you know, it just kept going like that. Y'all got some expensive hobbies. Yeah. Yeah. It's not, it's not cheap. It's definitely, it's definitely expensive, but it was worth it. You know, I sacrifice in

19:17 SPEAKER_00 other areas. Well, what a neat connection, man, you know, with your father and I don't know what that's like with passing that down to your kids. And I got to ask this before we go up to the

19:28 SPEAKER_02 father thing. What's your, what's your favorite car? My favorite car. Honestly, I can't pick because I love everything. Like I love lifted trucks. I love old school cars. I love super cars. Like, yeah, that's fair. If somebody told me I had to pick one car, I mean, it would be a sports car for sure. Okay. Okay. But it would probably be more of a muscle car. I would say that. See, I don't know why. And again, I don't want to, I feel like I could just go off on so many tangents with you. But I feel like, tell me if I'm wrong, but all those old muscle cars, could they not keep the same body style and just on the inside modernize it, but keep the stinking look? Yeah, just back in the cell, but just make the, yeah. Yes. I mean, there's people that have done that. And I mean, even with old school cars that are even not sports cars, even with old school cars that are even not sports cars, like Cadillacs and stuff like that, you'll see that in Houston some that they take the newer Cadillac seats and dashes and stuff sometimes and they take them, put them over or they'll take like the new Challenger insides and

20:39 SPEAKER_00 put them in their old Challenger charger. Oh, okay. Okay. Cause I'm just like, it doesn't say it's rocket science. Cause I feel like people are craving for the retro, you know, of course with the Ford Broncos out now, right? Everybody's going crazy about them, but they're not, it's not the old look, but anyway, so yeah, I get it. Somebody asked me the other day, they're like, what's your favorite food? I'm like, are you kidding me? I live in Houston, the most diverse city in the States. It like, I don't know. I love them all. I know it's hard to pick. You almost feel like you're betraying one if you pick one over the other. Okay. Well, we're not going to call you out on the podcast, so we'll just, we'll keep it there. Well, David, thank you so much for sharing about your father. And did you feel like, not to get too personal, but like before your father passed, do you, do you feel like y'all had good closure? Do you feel like he knew where you

21:32 SPEAKER_02 stood with him? Like, yeah, definitely. Okay. We actually had that, that experience, I would say, you know, probably five or six years before him passing to where we actually just sat down and talked about everything. And, you know, by that time we were still close, you know, we still shared the car stuff together. We still hung out and, you know, went eight, you know, weekly with him and my brother and stuff, Razzus and stuff, but yeah. But yeah, the actual, the actual, yeah. But yeah, the actual moment of closure and kind of just putting it all out there,

22:13 SPEAKER_00 I think was about five or six years before he passed. Awesome. Awesome. Well, that's special. I think that's rare. So that's, that's great to hear that man. And, and in the last, before we, we kind of didn't focus on you as a father, David, I'll put you on the hot seat. Okay. What would you say was the best advice that your dad gave you or something that you still look back on as,

22:46 SPEAKER_02 yeah, just the biggest like impression he made on you? So a few things is, you know, it was always, he would always tell me to be true to myself. So just in the manner of, there were certain things that me and him were very alike on, but then there were certain things we were. So, and this, a lot of this advice always came through when it came to talking to him about maybe a relationship I was in at the time. And he was, he was, he was always talking to me about my relationships. Like that's always been a thing, but those always, you know, be true to yourself. You know, you can, if this is what you want in life, or this is something you can't handle, accept that, be okay with that. You know, you don't have to measure yourself based on what you see me doing or me handling or, or being okay with, you need to be able to be okay with doing, accepting and handling the things that you are able to. And it kind of just, it kind of put me in a place where I was like, okay, I can at least semi stop trying to measure myself up to him or other, you know, things you maybe see on TV or from your friends or other family, you know, just kind of, this is who I am. This is how I function in this particular situation. And I was like, I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to function in this particular situation. And just to be okay with that, you know, there's nothing wrong with being different from what the next man can do. It doesn't make you any less of a man

24:24 SPEAKER_00 because you don't want to deal with some of the crazy stuff that comes in the world or, you know what I mean? It was just, you're not, you're not any weaker, you know, and I think society kind of has a lot of implants and young boys nowadays that you got to be strong, like don't cry and, you know, just be tough all the time. So that was one of them for sure. Well, it's almost like he was kind of giving you permission to be your own person, I guess. And yeah, yeah. And I think that's huge for a father to say that. I mean, that's kind of our role models to some degree. Like that your father was giving you permission to be who you want to be, not who he was. Right. And you got, you know, I think some dads are living vicariously through

25:16 SPEAKER_02 their children and whatever. So that's pretty cool. Yeah. He was, he definitely, he was one of those men that if you got him talking, he could talk forever. You know, he'd go off on tangents and, you know, he'd get on his soapbox sometimes. And, you know, he was, he was very well known for his lectures. If you ask my sister now, she got a whole lot of lectures growing up. And so, I mean, but I think he actually liked to play that role, like that made him happy to feel like he was helping us through talking to us, you know. So one other thing he always told me, and this was specific to my dating life as a young man, because I was, I was full of bad decisions when I was a young kid, but he told me, you know, you like hood ornaments. I was like, what do you mean hood ornaments? He was like, well, they sit out there in front of you and they look good. But that's basically all they're good for. It's just how they make you look sitting out there in front of you. He was like, you need to start looking for substance, somebody that can be good for you on the inside, not just somebody

26:37 SPEAKER_00 that makes you look good because of the outside. That's good. That's really good. I don't, I don't think I'll look at a hood ornament ever the same. Yeah, I don't either. I bet. Wow, man. What a testimony and a tribute to your father, David. Yeah. Sounds like a great man. Okay, so now we're going to kind of turn the focus on you a little bit. So what is, has been your greatest challenge as a dad? Huge macro question. I know you've got kids

27:14 SPEAKER_02 elementary, middle, high school. Yeah. But for you, what has been the greatest challenge do you feel? I think one of my greatest challenges is I'm hard on myself, I feel like. And it's like, you get to this point, you get in this mindset that whatever you're doing is never enough. And whether that's for everybody else is different. You know, sometimes other people measure themselves to what they see others doing. But me, it's just, am I doing enough? Am I spending enough time with them? Am I taking advantage of teaching lessons when I can? Am I talking to them enough about what's going on at school? Am I taking enough interest in what they want out of life or the things they enjoy or my, like you said earlier, you know, living through them or almost trying to like relive my childhood through them and instead of letting them live their childhood. You know what I mean? I'm always like, I'm always analyzing myself. And so sometimes it's to my detriment, I think I'm very hard on myself when it comes to judging myself if I'm being that good of a father, if I'm doing the things. And so sometimes I go get, you know, outside views from people, you know, like I said, I raised my daughter since she was little. I still am hard on myself. Am I doing the right thing? You know, am I working too much? Am I not here enough? Am I here too much? Am I, you know what I mean? It's just question, that's a question. But sometimes you go ask the outside, you know, your friends or family and

29:10 SPEAKER_00 just to kind of give you that, reel you back in, you know, reality check, like you're doing this, you're doing great. Like your daughter is doing amazing and that is owed to you, you know, and so sometimes you need that. But you need that reality check, I guess, right? Yeah, for sure. I mean, it's, you're never going to have all the answers. And that's one thing I miss the most about my dad is being able to call him and say, Hey, like, am I tripping? Like, or am I doing the right thing? And so yeah, that's being hard on myself, I would say is one of my main ones for sure. And then I think just realizing that my example in the lessons I teach them, decisions I make, or what, or what could possibly impact them for life. Like that's if, if you really try to look at that, on the smallest level to the biggest level, I am in charge of three different human beings who are going to potentially grow up and experience things a certain way, have a good life, not have a good life, whatever it turns out to be a lot based on what they get from me. You know, I mean, it's a lot of responsibility. That's a heavy burden to shoulder, you know. It's huge. Yeah, it's huge. Yeah, I appreciate your honesty and just your realness, David. Do you have like accountability? Do you have people that you can pour into or they can pour back into you? Because you know, again, like this show, it's like, we can't do this alone. You know, it really does take a village, you know. And so are those are those people that

31:01 SPEAKER_02 you can get, you can bounce things off with? Yeah, yeah. I mean, my mom has been instrumental in helping me with my oldest daughter. She has she, she's played many roles for me and my daughter at the same time. But my mom has been very, you know, substantial in helping keep me together at those times when I felt like I wasn't together or I wasn't doing well. I mean, I call and ask her for advice. Like, am I doing this right? And she's been there from day one. So her relationship with my daughter is amazing. So it's, she's definitely one of them. My sister's is another one. And, and my brother, you know, my brother doesn't have any kids and stuff. And he's he has a wife, they've been, you know, we were just eating for Mother's Day and stuff and talking and stuff. But they've been together for, I think, since 2009. So they don't have any kids. But I mean, when it gets to the point of just talking, my brothers, he'll be there just as much as my mom or my sister will, you know, and so yeah, those are those are my like village leaders when it comes to my village. And I have a couple of just guy friends that I can go to. But for the most part, it would

32:25 SPEAKER_00 be my family for sure. Good, good, good. What a tribute of all days on Mother's Day, also a little tribute to your mom. I'll see the impression she's made on your life. And I think the biggest thing too, that's jumping out for me, David, when you're as you're sharing, is the fact that you're, you're, you're self aware, you're asking the questions, you're, you're, am I doing the right thing? Am I doing enough versus not even thinking about it, or getting so wrapped up in your cars, your business that you're not even thinking about it, right? So to me, you're, you're so self aware. So that's so encouraging. And huge. And, you know, so many of my guests so far have been like, Ross, it goes by so fast, man, you blink, they're two. And now they're in high school at Aleve, you know, you're just like, what? I don't know if that's where you go. But, but but yeah, and so I think I've been trying to like, you know, being that I'm an older dad, is just try to be even more intentional about just time with them. Not necessarily what it is, the song and dance stuff,

33:34 SPEAKER_02 but just getting that quality time and being present, right? Yeah, I think I think that's, if I could tell anybody that's getting ready to be a dad, or, or, you know, just kind of wondering if they are doing the right thing is just make the time, you know what I mean? Like, you can, there's a lot of pressure, I think, just on people in general to, you know, the the new way looking at is go get the bag, make the money, you know, but there's like, you're asking me stuff now, like, if that's all my dad focused on, I wouldn't have a lot of those memories of working on the

34:10 SPEAKER_00 cars and doing cone out racing, and because he'd be working, making money. Now, that's great. You can provide the house, you can provide, you can pay for private education, all the all those things are great things, but they don't hold, you know, kids don't hold on to those as much as they will hold on to the memories that they share with their mom and dad. So absolutely. Well, and I'm glad you brought that up, because that made me think, with your three kids, are there any kind of like traditions, rituals that you do with your kids to create that connection?

34:48 SPEAKER_02 Well, usually, so they're all, they're all pretty different. Like, my daughter, you know, of course, she's a teenager now, so she's very into her friends and tick tock and all that kind of stuff. So it's, it's, it's, it's a juggling that trying to get everybody on the same level, because they're all different ages. But I think with my son and daughter, some of the things they enjoy most is just hanging out with me. So sometimes we'll hang out in the backyard, and maybe I'll be barbecuing and we'll have the music going and, you know, the lights on or something like that. Or sometimes we'll just have like jam sessions in the living room and listen to music on the TV and they'll be singing and dancing. And the other day, we had a wrestling tournament between me and my oldest, you know, just everybody doesn't like the stuff, all the same stuff the same way, but I have to kind of juggle it, you know, so I know my daughter is cool with the music and the dancing and singing. And my son will do it too, but he doesn't enjoy it as much as the wrestling, which she doesn't enjoy that as much. But, you know, we just kind of make it all work together. You know, you're like, you're like the DJ, you got to read the floor, right? Yeah, yeah. I see, you know, the energy is kind of sliding a little bit. Switch it up, you know, and go go go do stuff like trampoline park. They all love that. You know what I mean? So what do you let your son win in wrestling? Or do you? Yeah, I try to like, I try to make it go back and forth. I don't make, I want him to kind of be, you know, try hard. But if I see that he's putting a lot of effort in this, you know, move he's doing, then I'll let him feel the experience. But for the most part, I want him to keep trying to elevate. So I can't let him win too much. You know,

36:47 SPEAKER_00 he has to know, he's got to put in the work too. Well, yeah, because I feel like I'm going to be like, no, like he's never gonna, I'm never gonna let him win. He is going to kick my butt. But yeah, no, he's got to learn how to like, handle defeat, you know? Yeah, yeah. Gotta teach him that. Absolutely. Man. Gosh, that's a whole other thing. You mentioned TikTok, like, you know, the whole junk with your high schooler. Man, that's a mess. So, okay, so just that, being harder on yourself. I think another big two though, you know, David, and I don't know how it was for your parents, but with your three kids, thank granted, you have a two year old, so this may not be really appropriate for your two year old, but creating open lines of communication, where, like, tell me your thoughts on that in the sense of how do you create, have you, are you still working on it, where I would hope that your, that my child, you know, my stepdaughter can come to me about anything. Like, come to me about anything. Like, you've got to, like, I don't want there to be anything you don't feel like you can, because you're going to feel judgment, or you're going to feel embarrassed, you know. But it's like how, and I'm taking notes, for material, but like, how do you create that, especially maybe with your oldest, you know, high school, because you move from, you know, I think there's that natural, like in middle school, right, you're trying to size each other up, where do I fit in, you're just trying to survive. Like, so am I the athlete, am I the geek, am I the comedian, I just got to get through freaking middle school. And then we start kind of living behind these facades, you know, of somebody that we really aren't. You know, and so it's like we move away from parent approval, okay, I've got the love of my mom, I've got the love of my dad, and then we start transitioning to peer approval, you know, now where do I fit in now with my peers? And so

38:48 SPEAKER_02 during that, that growing up phase, I'll be long-winded, but how do you create open lines of communication with your kids? Well, I mean, so first and foremost, you have, I feel like you have to know who that child is, you know, because my daughter is totally different than my son, and how my two-year-old is going to be, who knows, you know, she seems like she's going to be the ringleader, I think she's something else. But with my daughter, I mean, it's, you always start with the statement, you know, you can always talk to me about anything, and you know, don't worry about me getting mad, or, or, you know, you getting in trouble, like if there's something you're not sure about, you're curious about, you're scared of, you can talk to me, but the hardest part in that is staying true to what you just said, because if they really do come to you with something that's scary for you to think about them experiencing or thinking, you have to be able to hold true to some of that, you know what I mean? You can't, I mean, yeah, you're the parent, but if it's, if it's not anything like I want to go hurt somebody or myself, where you might have to jump into parent mode and make sure everything is okay, and, but if it's other stuff, I mean, you got to be able to take what they're saying, even if you have to check yourself in that conversation. And just like, okay, she's telling me this, she's telling me she was thinking about dating, you know, just say, for example, as a dad, you don't want to think about that, you know what I mean? Because you, you were a young boy at that time, too, and you know how you thought and whether that was, you know, all a sexual thing, or it's just an immature way of thinking, your daughter is now could possibly be the victim or the beneficiary of a good boy, you don't know, but you'd rather just protect her, but you can't jump into this. Oh, it's forbidden, you know, and, and no, and just shut it all down, because it's almost like that forbidden fruit that you can't have, you probably wouldn't want it anyway, but somebody told you, you can't have it. So now they go for it, you know, but I've, I spent one that particular conversation, I spent a lot of time grooming my daughter, as she got older, and talking to her about boys talking to her about when her menstrual cycle would come and just kind of getting her ready. So when she got older and started really experiencing this stuff, it was like, well, you know, daddy's already talked to me about a lot of this stuff. That he's shown me this, I mean, this may, you know, this may not be for everybody, but I took her even when she was 14, I believe I took her over there to Bissonette at night. To show her all of the stuff that goes on out there, because I used to work in juvenile probation. So okay, I've seen a lot and I've heard a lot. And I just took her out there. And we probably stayed out there for like an hour. And I kind of drove her up and down and showed her some certain areas, you know, where not to go if you ever with your friends by yourself one day, you know, and what to look for and why these girls are out here. And some of these girls are your age, you know, and some of these girls get trapped into this from a girlfriend of theirs boyfriend, you know, like just giving her all the scenarios, we talked about sex trafficking, we talked about everything and but I've been grooming her with that kind of stuff since she was little just kind of getting her used to having just straight up conversations with me, that there's no real off limit thing, you know, what that's intense. That's awesome. Yeah, it is. How does she how does she take that? How did she process that? It was very, it was very shocking for her really, you know what I mean? And just being out there and experiencing stuff. I mean, there were even girls out there who tried to speak to her as we drove by them. And I said, See, they either think that you're here working for me, or there are you're somebody that they could try to bring in with them. And I explained the whole thing of her. So it was just kind of like a shock because she's not like, that's not the norm for her to see that outside of her house or anything like that. You know what I mean? So it was a big shock for her. And then we did the math on it, you know, like what these girls are experiencing in just a year's time. You know, if you're out here five days a week, you know, just say, and you this many times, you know, this is the end number for that year. And she was like, Oh, my God, like, that's disgusting. It's just, and you're like, accomplished. Yeah, mission accomplished. There you go. Like, you know, we talked about all kinds of stuff, you know, there's girls out here that don't come home at night because they get killed. You know, there's guys out here that ended up end up getting hurt, you know, and, you know, STDs, everything just talked about every single thing that I could possibly talk about, you know, and just, I want to say she was 14. Yeah. What made you think of to do that? What made you think of to do that? Oh, I always knew I was going to do that since she was probably like six. I mean, I just always had that in my head that I was going to bring her out there. And I think one time we were, I used to live off of Brazewood and the chimney rock area. So one time we were coming home from my sister's house and we drove down Bissonette and it was getting close to nighttime and there were some girls out there already walking and stuff. And I noticed she kind of looked, so I was like, okay, I'm definitely going to have to explain this, you know, so she knows what's going on. This isn't just somebody walking to the corner store. You know what I mean? So yeah, ever since she was probably, I would say at least five or six, it might've been earlier. I mean, I kind of have plans set out in my head as soon as I have a child, but yeah, I've always had that plan. I just wanted her to be old enough to really retain the information and not necessarily relate to it because it's something she wants to do or could do just, but maybe from seeing friends at school that act a certain way or do certain things and seeing certain stuff just now that you're older and really kind of understanding what that show may be referring to or that movie may be referring to. Right. You know what I mean? And

46:06 SPEAKER_00 be careful about social media. I had her watch a documentary on Netflix and it was called Social Dilemma. Yeah. So I had her watch that and then she wrote like a little short paper on it, you know, just with like a lot of bullet points, like how does this affect you? How can social media be good? How can social media be bad? Like what are the things you need to look for or stay away from? You know, just I wanted her to have that full understanding that this is an addictive thing just as much as cigarettes are, you know what I mean? So David, you just submitted ago, you said, am I doing enough? Am I, oh my gosh, David, you're amazing. You are amazing. Like that's incredible. What a gift. What a gift to her. I don't know of many fathers that would take the time and do that. I mean, that is so intentional. That is so like long-term. That is so like just being open and raw and setting her up for success. And you're right there just having open communications about some pretty heavy stuff. But by creating that environment, I think it sounds like you're just creating this place of safety. Like we could talk about stuff, but to show her that. Yeah. God, David, I'm blown away, man. Seriously. Like, thank you. This is real. No, this is really incredible, man. And I feel like it's, you know, I think what I love about doing these shows is I'm just, you know, just hitting record, but getting to know people, getting to hear people's stories. And but if there's something that kind of pops up that I want to go deeper, like social media or mental health with men, you know, we did a show on mental health, we did a show on social media, but like what you're just talking about is maybe kind of stirring up with me. Like, is there something there for fathers? When should you start having those conversations and how? Right. You know, so I love how you're doing that for your daughter. It's incredible, man. And thank you for that. A little bit of a side note, a friend of mine, she was telling her daughter who, if you know, HSPVA here, he's in the performing arts school downtown. Her daughter was just, I think, going into high school, but basically the age of drinking. And she would, she got invited to go to her first party. And so her mom said, go, but hold a cup. So everybody thinks that you're drinking, but don't if you're feeling the pressure, right? If you feel like you need to kind of fit in, but just watch, watch, watch how people, number one, they're drinking underage, you know, so it's technically illegal. But just see how stupid they get. Yeah. Right. And I was like, wow, that's always stuck in my mind. You know, just, I don't know, just being proactive, but setting your daughter up. I don't know. So I thought that was kind of a cool thing, but, but what you're doing, man, is gosh, that's awesome. That's awesome. So what do you, what would you do, let's say for your son, it's cause he's in middle school. How do you handle a boy?

49:33 SPEAKER_02 So my son, that kind of goes into one of the other things that's, you know, my experience as a dad or as hard as knowing when to be tough and when to be nurturing, you know, I mean, it's, I mean, everybody has their different dynamics in say a marriage or just, you know, whoever they have children with, but when it's just you, you have to kind of juggle both of them. Like, when am I supposed to be tough when it comes to my son? Like, or all of them really, when am I supposed to be the tough dad? When is it supposed to be, you know, come here, you know, let me hold you and talk to you. You know what I mean? So with my son, it's, it's, it's a, it's a strong mixture of both because while I don't necessarily agree with all of the pressures and, and some of the things that are put on, you know, men nowadays are not accepted or accepted, I do want him to be pretty tough because it's tough out here, you know, as much as we'd like to change all the social dynamics and everything and stuff. I don't necessarily see that happening. So I do want him to be tough, but I also talked to him about being okay with your feelings, like crying, like it's okay, you know, don't ever feel like you're weak for crying. It's fine. You should cry. That's your release. That's your way of getting that out. But you know, I always, when he gets to crying, it's like, okay, well, whatever you're feeling right now, just feel that. And then once you feel like you're done crying, think about what the actual problem is. And then decide if there's a solution to that, you know, if that's, if that's really the problem, or are you really upset about something else? And this is just something that kind of triggered what you're really upset about, you know, and, and, and, you know, in today's world, you know, we just had to talk about, me and my son just had to talk about homosexuality, you know, because it's always on TV and he's, I could tell he's kind of wondering about it, you know, and, and I always tell him, I said, well, first and foremost, I always want you to respect everybody, regardless of their choice, or they're different from yours, or their lifestyle is different. You don't have to agree with somebody to give them respect. So, but I could tell it was kind of bothering him. And my son's not super into sports, you know, he loves science and stuff like that. He's always digging in the dirt for bugs and stuff like that. He loves his science experiments, but he's not like a real big sports kid. And that's just who he is, you know, but I could tell when we were talking about it, he was kind of getting upset. And so immediately my brain kind of went to like, what's wrong? Like, what is he feeling that he hasn't said yet? You know, and his biggest thing was, he wanted to know why. Like, why do people have those dating preferences? Because he sees it all the time on TV and commercials and everything. So, and I guess he felt bad for even wondering why, like, maybe he shouldn't be wondering why. I said, well, Bo, you're, you're eight years old, you're supposed to question things like that's how you learn. That's how you experience things in life. Like, you see something, you question it. Why is it like that? You know, is this possible? Like, that's okay. You shouldn't feel bad or like, you're doing something wrong for questioning why a situation is the way it is. So I said, but the thing I want you to realize before we even get to talking about this is that don't hold on to stuff like that. Because when you hold on to these questions in your head, that obviously it bothers you because you're crying, because you didn't even want to say that you were wondering why they did this. Don't hold on to that because you're, you're tormenting yourself. You know, let that stuff come out because when you keep it in your head, all you do is build up pressure over and over and over. And you're too afraid to say anything to me or your mom or anybody else because for whatever reason you think you shouldn't be thinking that or questioning that, it should just be no right out the gate. But no, that's how you learn. That's how you grow. So, but you know, get it out, like talk about it. It's okay. You know, and in that, that's another example, my moment that if I was just being, you know, a crazy, you know, hard chested dad and, you know, no, and you know, I could have took that route of trying to just act like that was so taboo. We're not even going to worry about why they do it. You know, it's just, right. You know what I mean? But, but I could have shut him down at the same time by doing that. So I had to readjust my tone. I had to try to lighten my voice up a little bit, kind of bring myself down to his level, you know, and kind of rub his back while I was talking to him, make him feel relaxed. So when he comes out of that conversation and he gets the answers he needs that he, it's a good experience for him. So next time he'll come ask me next time, he won't feel as worried about it. And then it's just like a constant thing. That's with every conversation. I mean, every time I have a conversation with him about something, it seems like the next one is just that much easier. And he feels that much more comfortable, you know, teaching him to clean himself. You know, that was a big thing, you know, and I actually showed him how to do it by giving, showing him how I do it. And I was like, do you ever have any questions? Just come back and ask me. And then he left like 10 minutes later, he came back and he, daddy, why is it like that? You know, and we talked about that. You know what I mean? Is you could, he had a question and he thought about it for a minute. He came back and I felt good about that. Cause at least he felt okay with coming back and talking. Oh, it's huge. He felt safe. He felt heard. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you have to create that. Yeah. You have to create the environment for them because if they don't feel that then they'll end up asking somebody at school

56:24 SPEAKER_00 or, and somebody can give them some biased answer. And I try to be as unbiased about everything as possible because I want to give him truth, you know, so he has, well, all three of them have the ability to kind of make their own decision and kind of see, okay, that's what daddy said. And that's kind of what's happening. So that must be true. I wonder how come you don't have a podcast about, you know, about parenting. I've, I've been told to do that before. David, you are good. You were good, man. I'm taking so many good nuggets from you. This is, this is so awesome. Well, again, I'm being blown away just again by your intentionality and your sensitivity to your son, completely different from your oldest daughter. Your, it sounds like you're meeting your boy where he isn't for who he is. He's a science guy. He looks to look for bugs. He's not the athlete. And that's okay. That's who he is. That's who go in my mind, in my, sorry, if I may, from my lens, that's how God created him and to celebrate that. And it's like, this is who he is. And, and you're in the moment, it's like, you're constantly reading him and like, oops, I need to step back. Oops, I need to push a little bit harder there. I need to, I'm going to throw out a nugget knowing he's going to kind of like marinate on a little bit, and then he's going to go back. So I'm going to kind of throw him out of bone a little bit. So it's just like, again, you're like this DJ, just reading the floor with your kids and just like a puppeteer, just kind of, you know, pulling the strings in an appropriate, respectful way. For each of your kids. And that's huge. Because I think the biggest thing too, for, obviously, for your boy, because that's kind of where he is right now. But in middle school, the biggest thing I think is just knowing who you are, and being confident, and not letting culture, not letting peers sway you. And so that's that role that you're doing is giving him that foundation.

58:22 SPEAKER_02 And giving him a voice. So that's, that's amazing. Job well done. Thank you. Thank you, sir. I'm working on trying to keep it going. You know, it's it's a lot to think about. But you know, those little moments where they do open up, or you see after the conversation, they feel better. And, you know, they're kind of even more like, say for that day, kind of attached to you feel the energy is a little bit different, because they feel good that those are the moments I hold on to the most, because it is a lot to try to do that on a consistent basis and make sure you're doing the right thing. But those are like your little rewards. You know what I mean? Well, that's what I got to hold on

59:08 SPEAKER_00 to. And you may never know, like when your daughter and your son are on a podcast talking about their father, right? What is going to stick out to them? Like, I'll never forget when my dad was talking to me about this, and he, you know, met me where I was. You never know. You never know, right? Right. And I think that's kind of my fear in, obviously, in our culture, with just everything coming at parents from every different direction, is how do I, with, you know, my stepdaughter, and she has, I'm very, we're very blessed. She has a very active father in her life, which we're thankful for. In fact, we all sat at the adult table together last night as we were celebrating my stepdaughter's birthday at our party. But for my, for her too, but for my son, it's how do I, how do you build grit and confidence in him that's not cocky, but yet he's got a certain swagger, but yet he's, he, I want him to, like you said, I want him to respect every person that he comes across with and gets to know that everybody has a story, everybody has value. Again, like you said, I may not agree with that lifestyle specifically, right? But I'm going to respect you because you're a special creation. Right. Right. So it's like, how do you, and a lot of it's probably out of your hands to some degree, but also to maybe by the, they're looking at you by the words that you speak or the actions. How do you, how does David treat other people? You know, he's probably watching you more your actions

01:00:52 SPEAKER_02 than what you're saying. Right. To your work ethic. Yeah. You know, for sure. Yeah. The saying of, you know, do as I say, not as I do, that doesn't work. I mean, that's, that's not something they're going to watch you for sure. So you got to make sure whatever you're telling them lines up. Otherwise, I mean, what you do is what they're going to end up doing. I can see it in my kids all the time, you know, and how they speak or how my son walks sometimes or it's, he's mimicking

01:01:20 SPEAKER_00 what he sees. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Well, of course I just got back from, if there's anything you need to teach your son is how to pack his, pack his luggage himself, how to roll up a sleeping bag, not lose his water bottle. And anyway, cause it was like this, this last week, it was not, it was ridiculous. I was like, you don't know how to pack your luggage. You don't have to use sleeping bag. Their water bottles were being left everywhere. I mean, it was, it was. So just do that. Two other questions, David. What would you, now obviously you're, you're, you have three kids all across the spectrum. What would you tell yourself? Knowing what you know now, if you could go back and tell yourself when you were a new father with

01:02:09 SPEAKER_02 your first born, what would you, what would you tell yourself? What would I tell myself with my first born? Well, being, when you became a father for the first time, knowing what you know now, what would you tell yourself? Just, you're not going to be perfect, but as long as everything that you're doing is, is about making them a better person. You know, you're putting them first. It's always for the betterment of them. Then just be okay with that. You know, that's it. Just don't think about the other stuff. Don't try to keep up with the Joneses or everybody else is doing with their kids or whatever. Just whatever it is you're doing, enjoy that, you know, embrace that. And as long as it's

01:03:02 SPEAKER_00 everything you're doing is for their betterment and their benefit, be okay with that and just, you know, take solace in that. Go from there. Try to release that pressure. It's funny now that I'm, you know, before I became like my own child, I was like, man, I'm going to do my, you know, I don't know, like now that I have my child's like, I could see where, well, they're, they're going there or they're doing that or they're that family or this family. So I can, I could see how it could be kind of easy to compare a little bit, but to kind of remind

01:03:40 SPEAKER_02 yourself to stop. Yeah. And that's what associated me to mess stuff up. And I read a, kind of like a short story the other day on Facebook. And it was about this mother who took her daughter to the pool. And I guess the story comes from the point of view of somebody who was watching the mother and the daughter, but they said the mom and the daughter showed up and matching bathing suits, you know, hair looked really nice and it had toys and everything. And the, the, on, you know, the onlooker saw the mom set out, spread the toys out on the towel, you know, kind of nice like, and had her daughter kind of pose in front of the toys, you know, a bunch of different poses and took pictures with her daughter and everything. And then did that for maybe like 15 minutes or so, you know, 10, 15 minutes. And then in the story, they said the daughter got into the pool and immediately was like, you know, mommy, come swim with me, come swim with me. And she was on the phone and not really paying attention to what the daughter was saying. And then like 10 minutes after being on the phone, she hung the phone up, picked up all the toys and said, okay, let's go. And then at the end of the story, they were like, but I bet she posted all of those on social media and it looked like, Oh yeah. She was just doing the most amazing things with her daughter. But really in reality, it was only for the show. It wasn't really about taking your daughter to the pool, you know, letting her swim, teaching her to swim, spending time. It was more about let me show everybody else. And it's just that I'm being, I look like a good parent, you know what I mean? I mean, that could have very well been a dad. So it's nothing towards, you know, moms and their kids or it's just parents in general, you know, don't get caught up in trying to even capture every moment. Sometimes I just like, I'm, I just don't even take photos. I just try to enjoy what I'm doing. You know what I mean? So, but I think a lot of people have that pressure on them. They want to take the photos. They want to post it and say, look at us. And then people on the other end see it and they're like, well, shoot, they're doing all this stuff. I haven't done anything with my kids this weekend. You know what I mean? But sometimes that's the best stuff, laying around, eating snacks, watching movies, just talking, you know, whatever. I mean, sometimes that is some of the best things. And then you can go do something, but you just can't compare

01:06:19 SPEAKER_00 yourself. I think a hundred percent. Well, and great points. And I think that's huge. That's such an interesting story. And I guess, cause my last, it kind of, that kind of leads into this question. But what do you see are the biggest challenges facing dads or parents? And so you mentioned social media and this, this mom at the pool, right? Of how they're being perceived, keep it up with the Joneses, if you will. But what do you see as the biggest challenges facing, I guess, specifically dads today in this culture, this climate?

01:06:56 SPEAKER_02 Um, in my personal experience, I think there's like two sides to that. I think it kind of depends if you're a single dad or if you are in a marriage or relationships. So I think one side of it is definitely the societal expectations, you know, like dads are, you know, quote unquote, stereotypically, not the nurturers in the home, you know, and you're not expected to. And almost if you do, you're not necessarily being a man. I think that's a, I think more dads are kind of getting away from that now. I think there's a lot more focus on men's mental health, you know, these days, but I think that's where it starts. So I think being, being able to be more emotionally available for dads, I think is a, is a big struggle nowadays, because you've been taught something so different all, you know, your whole life, your dad's life, your grandparents life. So trying to like bridge that gap from being, you know, big, strong, just almost Neanderthal type of dad to, I can still protect my family. I can still make everybody feel safe. I can still be this superhero in my son's eyes, but also not just by being strong and tough and manly, I can also sit down next to him and allow him to cry, even cry myself in front of him so he can see by example, it's okay to cry. Right. Not having to be hard all the time, you know what I mean? And just give them the lessons, you know, teach them how to be strong, but also teach them how to feel, you know what I mean? And I think trying to juggle what society and you know, some of these other podcasts are trying to tell you is, is kind of like tearing people from left to right, like, which way should I go? So I think that is, that's definitely a societal expectations is definitely something hard for dads. And I think on the other side of the spectrum, maybe more for single dads, just depending on what your situation is and stuff. But I think the court system is the big problem on that side. It's a huge problem. I think if you just maybe look at just the standard visitation, like, you know, that the courts will give if parents can't agree on anything, it's every Thursday, every other weekend. And, you know, some, you know, you alternate breaks and stuff. But what I feel like they're saying in that is that your time with your dad is not as important as it is with your mother. And I mean, of course, there's things to consider when it comes to that, you know, like back and forth and where's the child's school and stuff like that. But when all those things are in alignment, I think that for the most part, it should automatically be 50-50 because there's, I mean, there's too many things supporting that the dad being in that child's life is for the betterment. There's too many supporting facts, statistics, how you know, whatever you want to look at. But I think one interesting statistic I read is that a child who is raised by a single father, just solely their father has the same chance of not ending up in the prison system as that child does with a father and mother. And again, happy Mother's Day. It's not none against mom, but the chance went far way further up just being raised by their mother alone. So that's not to take away from anybody or anything, but that's to demonstrate how instrumental fathers are in their child's lives, not just little boys lives or anything, just

01:11:21 SPEAKER_00 their children period, you know. So I think the court system is almost like severely out of date that it's, oh, well, the dad doesn't need to be there. He just needs to work and make the money and send the money home or whatever. But that's not true. I mean, it's being demonstrated over and over. That's not true. So I think as a single father that has to deal, if you have to deal with the court system in your life, everybody doesn't. But if you do, doesn't, but if you do, I think that can be a very big hurdle, you know, so. No, thank you for sharing that. Because that's, you know, that it being vulnerable, because I think just that our culture, is that really being talked about? Is that really being addressed as far as single fathers? You know, a real dear, dear friend of mine, he's kind of almost been so much of a spiritual mentor to me at a fight for his son. I don't he hasn't really gone into specifics, but he ended up getting full custody of his son, which here in his story a little bit, it's pretty rare that that happens, at least in the state of Texas for that. And I, as you were talking to, I've referenced this in the first couple of my shows, but the National Fatherhood Initiative, it's fatherhood.org, that children with involved fathers have a strong foundation for child well-being. They are at lower risk for a host of poor childhood outcomes, infant mortality, neglect, abuse, injury, obesity, teen pregnancy, criminal activity, suicide, teen pregnancy, you know, just so like to your point, having the involvement of a father is huge, huge in a child's child's life. So I appreciate you bringing that up, because I think that is an area that needs to be talked about. And I don't know if that's something I need to shed more light on, you know, on a show

01:13:27 SPEAKER_02 or two. What's gotten gotten you, what's helped you through all this with, with say your children or or on that side of things. You mean just as far as being a single dad and, and yeah, everything we just talked about as far as the time allotted to me and everything. Right. It's kind of like, it's almost acceptance and kind of like you said that it's very rare for fathers to get custody, but I think what makes it even more rare is a lot of dads just automatically assume they can. And I have custody of my oldest, but a lot of dads are like, you know, there's no way. And I mean, so I think that that's, you know, part of it. But as far as for me, you just, you just kind of accept it. And I try to focus, you know, at least some of my energy and making sure that my relationship with their mother is as good as it can be. Sure. Because she is, you know, how the core system sets it up. She is the gatekeeper for any additional time that I can get now. Yeah. On my, my days, she has no say so in that, right. And, Mm hmm. But if I want to, you know, come see them, Tuesday, you know, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday after work or something, or take them to dinner or something, she is that gatekeeper. So trying to keep that relationship, you know, good communication, understanding, that's one of my ways to do that. And, you know, just when the time does come to have additional time, take advantage of it, you know, and maybe allow her to see what it's like with a break, you know, and maybe she'll appreciate that more and want it more. I mean, because it's hard. I mean, I know I've done it myself and I don't have, I don't have the other side that helps me when it comes to my oldest. So it's been solely me her whole life. So it's a little bit different. But, but yeah, I just acceptance, you know, what can I, what, what am I in control of? You know, so how I act with their mother, you know, just making the most of the time I do get, you know, if I'm off early, I'll go pick them up from school, you know, you go home and get whatever ready, you know, for them and I'll keep them for a little bit so you can just go home and relax, you know, and just trying to take advantage of any time that I do have. Gotcha. And that I'm allowed to have at that point, you know, I mean, so, you know, and having the conversations, you know, with their mother when the, the, you know, chance presents itself, you know, even it comes to my son, you know, she's kind of expressed on her, you know, her own that I, you know, I think he's going to end up needing to come live with you, you know, and so, and that's great, you know, and I'm, I don't know, I am, I'm not getting my hopes up on that, but I don't know if that's a for sure thing,

01:16:51 SPEAKER_00 but the fact that it's even spinning around in her head is good, you know, so. That speaks well of you and the confidence. Yeah. What, you know, obviously, again, thank you for sharing that and just being honest and real, because again, the hope of this is that somebody out there is going through what you're going through or about to go what you've gone through, that could be this could be a word of encouragement. What would you tell a dad out there that's that's struggling, whether in a in a custody fight or going through a divorce or whatever it is, what, what, you have any words of encouragement?

01:17:30 SPEAKER_02 Well, I mean, if they are, if it's about custody, if it's, if it's an actual fight, like in that manner where you're trying to get custody, maybe you don't feel like your child is safe over there or whatever the reason is that you want custody outside of the emotional bitterness, I don't, I don't, I don't validate anybody on either side, moms or dads on that, but if it's just about the child, document everything, you know, don't involve the child, don't, you know, try to pry them for information, leave that amount of it, because that's damaging to them, but document everything, document every time that you have the child and you just so you can show that you are one, not a threat to the child and that you are actually good for the child. You know, the other stuff will show for itself if some, if the other party isn't, but, and just don't give up on it. I mean, if, you know, some people, I saw a saying, it was actually a meme, I think it was on social media, but it was like, it was saying that if you're the mother of your child asks, or your child asks you, you know, why didn't you fight for me when I was a child to, to get custody of me or spend more time with me, the response was, why should I have to fight to even spend time with you? I shouldn't have to fight as your father or your mother to be able to see you or spend time with you. So it kind of turned it around, like, why is the other person making me fight? So, so I agree with that statement. That's very true, but you still have to fight regardless, you know, like you have to take care yourself, right? So if you have to take a mental break, you know, just kind of don't think about it for a little while, do that, but just keep your ducks in a row, you know, if it's about your child or your children, you know, document everything you can, whether that's, you know, things you provide for them, times you have them, whatever it is you need to, to, especially as a dad, you know, just dads are not favored as well in court as mothers are. That's just, they just see the mother as automatically, well, that's where the child is going. That's why it's so, yeah, that's why it's so amazing nowadays. Like if I get some people tell me all the time that if a dad is raising their child by himself or has custody, it's like, oh, that's so great. But it's really sad that it's so great because it shouldn't be like that. It should just be like, oh, well, cool. You know, you have your child, just like that mother over there has her child and that dad over there has his child, you know, but it's looked at as something extra because it's kind of, like you said, yeah, the default in a court system is the mom gets the kids. So, I mean, it's even worse for younger children. Any child that's under three, I don't have this because I got it changed, but any child that's under three, you can see your child is as little as eight hours during the day every two weeks. And that's just because, well, they're under three and, you know, maybe they're breastfeeding even, but even if your child isn't breastfeeding, it's still the same thing. I mean, that was brought up to me in my situation during my separation. Okay, well, you'll start off from eight to five, you know, every other Saturday, like eight hours out of, so you're telling me I get to see my daughter for 16 hours out of a month. That's insane. Yeah. And there's step ups, you know, well, you know, after they reach a certain age, you know, then you go to Saturday and Sunday for eight hours. But that's insane because those are prime years for that child to bond with you. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, they say personalities are pretty much almost formed by four or five. So if I wasn't around prior to this, or to say I was in a situation like some dads didn't even know I had a child until they were one, then you're going to, you know, I mean, like it's, it's crazy. So I just tell anybody that is fighting for that, just to keep fighting. I mean, there's, and if, and if all you can do at this point is get the standard visitation, then just go do that. Like put something in place. If your fight is not just with the court, if it's with your significant other for whatever reason, you know, I hope it's not, but if it was,

01:22:28 SPEAKER_00 just go to court about it. Just get that stuff on paper. Yeah. You'll have to pay child support, but is that paying that child support through the court, not worth seeing your children? Yeah, I don't think it is. So I mean, whatever you got to do, do it, you know, that's good because you're, you're instrumental in their lives. Huge, huge. So I think that's a big takeaway, right? It's just to don't give, don't give up, don't give up and keep all your ducks in a row, document, document, and just keep fighting because it's worth it. And again, you're not alone here from David. There are other men out there too. You're not the only one fighting this, you know? Right. So yeah, so hopefully that's a word of

01:23:14 SPEAKER_02 encouragement, David, and that's just good raw stuff, man. I appreciate it. Before I do cut you loose, what do you do for you to relax? Because you got a lot on your plate, man. You're, you're carrying a heavy burden. What, where does, where does David find or do you even get a chance to refresh, recharge? How does David recharge? Most of the time, it's either one of two things. I'm either, if I can just, you know, like say like tonight, my oldest, she went to go spend the night with her grandma. So if I can sit in my house and if my house is clean, I got some good food and I can just sit there and relax. I do that. It's very relaxing for me. And the other thing that I do is I, I go take a drive or I get on, I get on the motorcycle and I just go ride and I don't, worry about nothing else. I don't worry about the bills coming up next month. I don't worry

01:24:25 SPEAKER_00 about the business. I don't worry about my, I don't worry about the kids at that moment. Like everybody's should be home in bed. So everybody's good. I just think about the ride and just relax. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. I feel like I needed to ask that, you know, you got a lot on your shoulders, man. And you have a lot of people relying on you. So I was just wondering, how does David take care of himself? So that's good to hear. David, is there anything though, that I haven't asked you or anything that is on your heart that you want to share after our conversation?

01:25:06 SPEAKER_02 Um, you know, I'll just tell any dad that's out there, you know, that's really just putting in the effort. Maybe he's not sure if he's doing the right thing. Just try to talk to another dad that you know of, you know, maybe get a little bit of outside, you know, point of view and just don't put so much pressure on yourself, you know, especially if it's coming from outs, you know, it's outside pressure. Like if you're loving on your kids, you're being there for them,

01:25:41 SPEAKER_00 you're creating a safe space for them, then you're doing what you're supposed to do. You know, all the other stuff, the material things or whatever else that's, that's the extra bonuses. And yeah, it'd be nice to have that. But if you're doing what requires them to grow up and be good people, which is a mental, emotional, you know, personal time with them, that kind of thing, then you're doing good. That's good. That's good. Well, David, I appreciate that. And may that resonate with somebody out there that's listening. That's the hope and the prayer. And it's really the point of this. So I can't thank you enough for not knowing me and just taking your time, a risk and being vulnerable with your story. And what a great story. And what an incredible dad you are. I can't think of a better person your kids are looking up to as such a role model. So thank you. All right. Thank you. Thank you. And the fact that you're at Houston, I'm going to throw it out there. But we need to grab some barbecue. I'd love to meet you in person sometime. For sure. And treat you to some barbecue. So maybe we can make that happen when my summer

01:26:58 SPEAKER_02 hours tend to slow down a little bit. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. I mean, this love give me a hoverman, you know, maybe we can get some other dads together, you know, past guests,

01:27:07 SPEAKER_00 if you have any other ones that are here and use and willing to maybe get something going on that level. I do. I do. That's a great idea. In fact, this Thursday, there's a fellow Houstonian that kind of lives over in the third ward. Mr. Matt Barnes. And so he's he's doing some amazing things, David, too. I'd love for you to get to meet him and Kevin in the education sector. But he's a Houstonian. Got a really cool story. He comes out on Thursday to the world. So I'd love for you to get to meet him. But he's he's incredible. Yeah, that would be that would be really cool. But David, thank you. Thank you for staying up late and chatting on this Mother's Day. Oh, yeah, no problem, man. I enjoyed it. Thank you for having me. Absolutely, man. Well, listen, great to great to visit with you. And hope you get some rest, man and safe travels on as you're hitting the road this week. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I definitely got to get some rest for that. And yeah, I got to be aware of all you car drivers out there. We're gonna we'll leave it on that. Yeah. Well, hey, thanks, David. Appreciate you, man. Yes, sir. Thank you. All right.